Tofu Is the New Metal

On Wednesday night, I pulled out an old standby that I'd forgotten about — Please Don't Feed the Bears, a vegan metalcore cookzine with awesome tofu and seitan recipes. It even has a recommended metal soundtrack for each dish.

I adapted a recipe for Szechwan Tofu with Triple Threat Pepper Sauce:


It may not look like much, but this was so easy and delicious! It's fried tofu simmered in a sauce of mirin, soy sauce, garlic, dry mustard, black pepper, and crushed red pepper. The recipe also calls for red and green bell peppers, but I left those out because I wanted a plain tofu dish sans the veggies (I know, I know...all meat, no veggies...blah blah blah).

According to Please Don't Feed the Bears, I should have been listening to Killing Addiction's "Legacies of Terror" demo while making this. But I don't know much about metal, so...if they had a punk rock cookbook, I could probably manage the soundtrack thing a little easier.

I served the tofu over rice noodles, and I also had a side of Sauteed Squash and Green Beans from Vegan Success:


This recipe is really just what it looks and sounds like — squash, fresh green beans, chopped tomato, dried herbs, and soy margarine. It was a tasty way to use up some abundant summer produce.


As for Please Don't Feed the Bears, I highly recommend this cookbook. Not only is it metal as hell, but the recipes have hardcore names like "Indian Tacos of Death," "Seitanic Pepper Steak," and "Terror of Thai Soup." The recipe for "Human Marinade/Baste Dip" actually calls for "the ashes of one fine thin joint (optional)."

And with instructions for corn dogs, "vegan deep friedness," and "Cop-Shop Special" (aka donuts), it's far from health food...which is a good thing in moderation.